Crossword 097: Nondairy Substitutes

 
John Callcott Horsley, Youth and Age

John Callcott Horsley, Youth and Age

 

Okay, so it's the same joke four times.  So what?  It's a good joke.  And the fourth iteration (64 Across) is not just a joke, it's also a wry comment on the human condition.


Download this week’s crossword:

097-Nondairy-Substitutes.puz

097-Nondairy-Substitutes.pdf

Solve this week’s crossword online:

097 Nondairy Substitutes


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A crossword of mine appeared yesterday, Friday, September 27, in The Los Angeles Times (and The Chicago Tribune, The Houston Chronicle, The San Francisco Chronicle, etc.)


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A crossword of mine will appear Wednesday, October 2, in the Wall Street Journal.


Crossword 096: As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap

 
Stanhope Alexander Forbes, Feeding the Pigs

Stanhope Alexander Forbes, Feeding the Pigs

 

Speaking of pork, here is one of my favorite passages from the great Jonathan Swift, explaining the popularity of satire—and by the way, much of the social media of our own time:

"There is a problem in an ancient author, why dedications, and other bundles of flattery, run all upon stale musty topics, without the smallest tincture of any thing new; . . . whereas there is very little satire, which has not something in it untouched before. The defects of the former, are usually imputed to the want of invention among those, who are dealers in that kind; but, I think, with a great deal of injustice; the solution being easy and natural; for, the materials of panegyric, being very few in number, have been long since exhausted. For, as health is but one thing, and has been always the same, whereas diseases are by thousands, beside new and daily additions; so, all the virtues that have been ever in mankind, are to be counted upon a few fingers; but their follies and vices are innumerable, and time adds hourly to the heap. Now the utmost a poor poet can do, is to get by heart a list of the cardinal virtues, and deal them with his utmost liberality to his hero, or his patron: he may ring the changes as far as it will go, and vary his phrase till he has talked round: but the reader quickly finds it is all pork, with a little variety of sauce."


Download this week’s crossword:

096-As-Ye-Sow-So-Shall-Ye-Reap.puz

096-As-Ye-Sow-So-Shall-Ye-Reap.pdf

Solve this week’s crossword online:

096 As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap

Crossword 095: Anntheme

 
James Sant, Caroline, 3rd Countess of Mount Edgcumbe with Her Two Youngest Children, Charles and Ernestine

James Sant, Caroline, 3rd Countess of Mount Edgcumbe with Her Two Youngest Children, Charles and Ernestine

 

Today is my beloved mother's birthday.  Alert solvers might be able, on the basis of this puzzle's title and theme answers, to guess her name. 


Download this week’s crossword:

095-Anntheme.puz

095-Anntheme.pdf

Solve this week's crossword online:

095 Anntheme


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A crossword of mine will appear Thursday, September 19, in the Wall Street Journal


Crossword 094: Ear Tags

 
William Powell Frith, The New Earrings

William Powell Frith, The New Earrings

 

Poking holes in our ears so as to dangle ornamental objects from them—isn't it a little ugly and foolish, when you come to think about it?  Attaching metal things that emit radio frequencies to the ears of livestock so as to keep track of them is at least practical.  Has anyone thought of combining these in a movie, involving a creepy stalker and a gift of earrings? "The Piercing," it might be called.  If you’re a movie producer and you'd like to buy an option on the idea, let me know.


Download this week’s crossword:

094-Ear-Tags.puz

094-Ear-Tags.pdf

Solve this week's crossword online:

094 Ear Tags

Crossword 093: Success Stories

 
William Etty, Pandora Crowned by the Seasons

William Etty, Pandora Crowned by the Seasons

 

If you just work hard and believe in yourself, there is nothing you cannot accomplish!—with a few possible exceptions: a living wage, for example, and good health, and maybe some other things too. But never mind: here are some exemplary stories (or titles of stories anyway; you can easily imagine the rest) to inspire you on your way along life's journey.


Download this week’s crossword:

093-Success-Stories.puz

093-Success-Stories.pdf

Solve this week's crossword online:

093 Success Stories


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A puzzle of mine will appear Friday, September 6, in Universal Crosswords



Crossword 091: Lost Arts

 
John Evans Hodgson, Holbein's Studio

John Evans Hodgson, Holbein's Studio

 

I once thought to use this puzzle's title (in the singular) as a theme answer.  The clue would have been about Paul Simon, who "lost Art"—Garfunkel, that is—in 1970. And the Wilson brothers "found Love," their cousin Mike, to form the Beach Boys.  But then what?  Did any group throw "Iris Out"?  or decide to "Keep Faith" after all? or to "Kill Joy"?  I couldn't make it work.  So I invite all you aspiring crossword constructors in need of a theme to apply to me for permission to adopt it, which I will grant free of charge if I find you worthy of my benevolence. Just email me a statement of financial need and an autobiographical essay on how you overcame an obstacle.


Download this week’s crossword:

091-Lost-Arts.puz

091-Lost-Arts.pdf

Solve this week's crossword online:

091 Lost Arts

Crossword 086: A Few Extracts

 
James Sant, George Villiers, 4th Earl of Clarendon

James Sant, George Villiers, 4th Earl of Clarendon

 

Here I sit, comfortably ensconced in my book-lined study, a snifter of cognac in my hand, a knowing glint in my eye, and . . . I can't think of a thing to say.


Download this week’s crossword:

086-A-Few-Extracts.puz

086-A-Few-Extracts.pdf

Solve this week's crossword online:

086 A Few Extracts


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A puzzle of mine appears today in Universal Crosswords, and another will appear Thursday, July 18, in the Wall Street Journal